Miracle in the Valley of Infertility

There are moments in our lives that we know will change everything forever. Mine was when I found out that I was going to have a little sister. It was a sunny day at the roller rink during a day camp field trip, and I could hardly contain my excitement as I eagerly awaited the call from my parents. When they finally shared the news, I was so overwhelmed with joy that I dropped my phone, letting out a jubilant scream that echoed amongst my friends. We all celebrated together, laughter and cheers filling the air. Little did I know then that having a sister would be a blessing far beyond the simple bond of sisterhood but her very existence was considered "impossible," making this news all the more surreal.

My parents (for context: I refer to my stepdad as my dad, so this would be their first biological child together) embarked on a heartfelt journey to become parents again, seeking the guidance of an infertility specialist after trying for over a year to conceive Natalie. While they weren't inclined towards IVF, they wanted to explore the underlying reasons for their struggles. The doctor, however, delivered a heavy verdict: she deemed it impossible for them to conceive naturally. With no eligibility for basic treatments or invasive procedures, IVF emerged as their only path forward. The doctor explained the intricate process, detailing hormone injections that would stimulate the ovaries to release multiple eggs, the surgical removal of those eggs, fertilization in a lab, and finally, the reimplantation of the fertilized embryos. This revelation brought forth a moral dilemma for my parents: how many embryos to implant and what to do with any remaining ones? They deciding firmly that they could never bring themselves to discard any fertilized eggs, nor did they wish to consider "selective reduction." These are the reasons why I am personally against IVF. Their fertility specialist seemed unsettled by their decision and reasoning. My mom noted to me she doesn't oppose IVF in general; she believes it personal to each woman's unique circumstances. However, in their case, my mom felt the doctor lacked the empathy and respect for their values regarding the precious lives they hoped to nurture, specifically regarding both the implantation and fertilization aspects of the process.

My parents felt a wave of disappointment, yet they chose to place their trust in God, finding solace in His plans. They turned their focus towards nurturing their marriage, purchasing a home, and raising me with love and care. During this period, my mom found great comfort in her faith, experiencing a peace that truly surpassed all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7). She shared with me how she trusted God to know what was best for our family, believing that if another child was meant to join us, God would bless her with one. I carry a similar belief in my heart. As women, we should lean on God regarding our fertility and the number of children we are meant to have. Scripture tells us that God is sovereign over everything, including our wombs. Throughout Genesis, we see examples of God opening and closing wombs, like when God closed the wombs of the women in the house of Abimelech, as well as instances where pregnancies were delayed, like with Hannah and Elizabeth. It is within God's perfect plan and timing that we find our paths to motherhood.

The only time my mom was planning on going back to the fertility specialist was to get blood work that she had already paid for as part of a package. When the results came back, everything was deemed "okay." After hearing the news over the phone, my mom took a pause to pray, and in that moment, she felt a deep sense of peace wash over her. She firmly believed that if it was the Lord's will, He would bless them with another child. In that reflection, she shifted her focus to gratitude, thanking God for the warmth of her family, the love of her husband, the joy of having me, their new home filled with memories yet to come, and her own health. It was a heartwarming reminder of the blessings that surrounded them, even amidst uncertainty.

Soon after, my mom noticed that her "monthly visitor" didn't come, which gave her pause. At first, she brushed it off as just a little bump in her cycle. However, a month later, an unexpected nudge to stop by a local pharmacy to pick up a pregnancy test. Standing in the store, she felt a bit silly, hesitating for a moment, but the nagging feeling persisted and urged her to make the purchase. She even chose one of the fancier, newer tests for the time that displayed "pregnant" or "not pregnant," feeling a mix of hope and disbelief. Keeping this secret close, she didn’t share her plans with anyone; after all, being pregnant had long been deemed "impossible" for her. But God. As she took the test, one of the most beautiful surprises revealed itself before her eyes: "pregnant." Overwhelmed with a whirlwind of excitement, shock, and a tinge of fear, she remembered the heartache of her previous loss to an early miscarriage. Nevertheless, amidst the uncertainty, an overwhelming sense of gratitude washed over her as she recognized the precious gift that had come her way, a true blessing from above (James 1:17).

After sharing the news with my (step)dad as soon as he came home from work, my mom called her OB/GYN, who, due to the heartbreak of a previous miscarriage, advised her to wait until after another missed "monthly visitor" before coming in. She also reached out to the fertility specialist, who promptly scheduled her for blood work the very next day. During that appointment, the specialist delivered a rather bleak outlook, cautioning my mom not to count on the pregnancy continuing without hormone shots (which were not needed and declined). To add to the discomfort, the doctor refused to let my mom see the ultrasound screen, claiming it was to spare her feelings in case of a miscarriage. But through it all, it was comforting to remember that it is God, not this doctor or mere science, who ultimately holds the power over pregnancy and the miracle of life. When my mom inquired about the "impossibility" of conceiving without any medical intervention, the doctor simply chalked it up to science and chance: "good egg, good sperm. It was a fluke. Don’t ever expect it again." Little did she realize that this would happen again, multiple times, in fact. My mom now has four children here with her and three more waiting for her in Heaven. God knew what was in store, and He had already preordained it. With each new pregnancy, my mom found herself in complete awe of a loving God who, in His mercy and grace, not only gifted her with another child but far exceeded both her and the doctor’s expectations in ways she never imagined possible.

At just 9 weeks into her pregnancy, my mom transitioned from the fertility doctor to her regular OB/GYN. It was during this visit that she experienced the heartwarming joy of seeing her sweet baby for the very first time on the sonogram. Watching her little one move around and hearing that strong, rhythmic heartbeat filled her with a sense of wonder. In that precious moment, my mom was enveloped in a profound gratitude towards God, cherishing the perfect timing that God had opened her womb to conceive her beloved baby girl.

As my mom's pregnancy unfolded, the anticipation of welcoming Natalie into our lives grew sweeter with each passing day. She was thriving, a little miracle in the making. However, there was an unexpected twist, Natalie was in a stargazer breech position, which meant that turning her while still inside would have posed risks. Instead of being upside down in preparation for her grand entrance, she was right side up, with the umbilical cord wrapped around her ankles. I think this fits her spirited personality, as if she were ready to leap into life headfirst. Despite this little hiccup, on a snowy day, Natalie made her debut, perfectly healthy, and for the better, my life has not been the same since.

My sister drives me absolutely crazy sometimes, but I would still take a bullet for her. If that’s not the essence of being a big sister, I don’t know what is. Now that she’s a teenager, she’s blossomed into someone truly beautiful, both inside and out. Her ability to befriend others and show genuine kindness to everyone she meets is a gift. Anyone blessed enough to call her a friend should feel honored, especially since true friends are a rare treasure. Natalie is fiercely loyal and won’t let anyone speak ill of others, which speaks volumes about her character. She's also just a girl ;)

Of course, having a teenage sister can be a bit of a rollercoaster, especially for the oldest sister trying to navigate the delicate balance between being her sibling and her “third parent.” I know she sometimes feels as if I’m too hard on her or am boring, but I am truly proud of the person she is and who she is becoming. She doesn't realize that I am coming from a protective place and trying to shield her from heartache and to help her avoid the mistakes I’ve made in my own life. Watching her hurt or feel sad is one of the most heart-wrenching experiences, and I truly despise it. Yet, as her big sister, I also must remind myself to trust that God is sovereign over her life, which is a very miracle in itself.

Desiring to become a mother is a good thing, and my heart goes out to those who are navigating the challenging journey of infertility. As I prepare for impending marriage, I am starting to pray for a child and am bettering my health in anticipation of pregnancy. At the same time, I am also working to cultivate a spirit of contentment in God if that prayer is not answered or if it's delayed, which I know will still be difficult to navigate if that time comes. It's important to hold onto faith that God does not withhold from us without purpose; He is always weaving our lives together for good, even when we can't see the full picture. His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts transcend our understanding (Isaiah 55:8-9). Don't let go of hope, for God is capable of the impossible. It fills my heart with warmth to hear stories of women who discover they are pregnant after years of trying and waiting. I pray that this story inspires you to cling to your faith and turn to God, knowing that He is always by your side on this journey. Pour out your hear to God and let Him be your comfort.

I love you, Natalie Erin!

Soli Deo Gloria.