Last year, I finished reading the Anne of Green Gables series. Anne and Gilbert have to be my favorite literary couple. Perhaps this is because there is such a realistic dynamic between the two. After all, Gilbert Blythe was based off author LM Montgomery's real kindred spirit and first love, Will G. Pritchard, a neighboring farm boy who died young in s tragic accident.
"Gilbert was as yet little more than a boy; but a boy has his dreams as have others, and in Gilbert’s future there was always a girl with big, limpid gray eyes, and a face as fine and delicate as a flower. He had made up his mind, also, that his future must be worthy of its goddess. Even in quiet Avonlea there were temptations to be met and faced. White Sands youth were a rather “fast” set, and Gilbert was popular wherever he went. But he meant to keep himself worthy of Anne’s friendship and perhaps some distant day her love; and he watched over word and thought and deed as jealously as if her clear eyes were to pass in judgment on it." - Anne of Avonlea
"Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one's life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one's side like an old friend through quiet ways; ... perhaps love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship ." - Anne of Avonlea
"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." - C.S. Lewis
What I love most about Anne and Gilbert's love story is their foundation of friendship, which built a quiet sort of love that took its time. In my personal opinion, these are the best, underrated, and most steady relationships. Instead of only the large, over-the-top gestures, this love is encompassed by tiny, meaningful moments that have much more of an impact. Perhaps, the gesture that most showed Anne how much Gilbert loved her was when Gilbert selflessly gave up the teaching position in Avonlea, so Anne could take it and stay at home in Green Gables. Love can't be selfish but is thinking of what is best for the other person. Afterall, we are called to outdo one another in honor (Romans 12:10) and to not do anything from selfish ambition (Philippians 2:3). Gilbert acted out of a place of love and honor for his "Anne-Girl."
"This is my beloved and this is my friend." Song of Solomon 5:16 (KJV)
"Friend" used in Song of Solomon 5:16 means "intimate companion," "partner in task," and "close friend." Friendship creates a level of intimacy where you feel seen for who you are. You can feel safe enough to be vulnerable with that friend, which is important as we walk the straight and narrow walk filled with trials. You need someone who is going to see you at your weakest and walk alongside you in that, praying for you and leading you towards God. You need that friend who is going to tell you and remind you of the truth, and does so with a loving, humble attitude. A friend is someone who sticks closer to you than a brother, and is going to be that safe place you can finally release the breath you've been holding.
Anne and Gilbert relied on one another and turned to each other when they needed to talk things over, such as in Anne's House of Dreams, Gilbert turned to Anne when he was trying to decide whether to perform a surgery. They show up for one another, whether its a listening ear, a hug of comfort, or in celebration. In the Anne of Green Gables movie, which I highly recommend, even when Anne declines Gilbert's invitation to escort her to the recital, he still showed up as her supportive friend and gave her a standing ovation. After all, your person should be your biggest cheerleader and encourager, celebrating your triumphs with you. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says: "Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do."
"Friendship is born at the moment when one man says to another, 'What, you too? I thought I was the only one.'" - C.S. Lewis
"You don't love someone for their looks, their clothes, or their fancy cars...but because they sing a song only you can hear." - Oscar Wilde
"He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” - Wuthering Heights
Anne and Gilbert are kindred spirits. They have a deep understanding of one another. This doesn't mean that they always see eye-to-eye on everything but will always be honest with one another. I can't remember if this is in the books, but in the second Anne of Green Gables movie, Gilbert provides Anne constructive criticism on her novel that she initially does not take well. A friend is always going to tell you the truth, even if it's not what you want to hear. You can trust that he's coming from an unselfish place of wanting the best for you. This especially applies if your friend points out a pattern of sin that you've been exhibiting. Despite what the progressive church will tell you, it is loving to not leave someone to continue living in sin. Later, Anne realizes the importance of honesty and that Gilbert had actually provided sound advice. Whether your man provides you with an honest opinion of your outfit or gives you the tough advice you were not wanting to hear, this type of guy is a wonderful asset to have in your life and should be appreciated.
Having a foundation of friendship even affects the way a couple handles disagreements and miscommunications. Even the best of couples have miscommunications and disagreements. After all, a relationship is comprised of two sinners who are inevitably bound to make mistakes and to fail each other at some points. When a relationship is rooted in friendship, conflict is handled as friends. You see the best in one another, keeping in mind the other's character. In Anne's House of Dreams, Anne and Gilbert disagree about whether Gilbert should perform a risky surgery on an acquaintance of theirs. I recommend reading the chapter (linked here) to get a full picture. While Gilbert thought he should perform the surgery, Anne thought he would be crazy to perform it. Although Anne's quirky personality adds a bit of humor to the scene, their disagreement is very realistic. The two are so real, open and honest with one another, while maintaining honor and respect for one another. Anne reasons from the heart, while Gilbert reasons from a place of duty. When Anne lets her emotions run too freely and accidentally hurts Gilbert, she immediately forsakes their debate and apologizes. Gilbert is more important to her than a need to be right. He immediately forgives her and they continue their discussion. Their quarrel ends in laughter with a joke and with Gilbert citing Scripture to support his decision. As a Christian wife, Anne submits to Gilbert's decision, even though she disagrees with him.
"By which Gilbert understood that, no matter what came of it, there would be no I-told-you-so's. But he was not wholly comforted." - Anne's House of Dreams
No matter what the outcome of Gilbert's decision was going to be, Anne was not going to hold it against him. She saw how stressed Gilbert was from the heavy weight of his dutiful decision and apologized to him for giving him a hard time. No man is perfect, and as heads of households, men have the daunting task of having the final say and making the tough decisions. I know that I personally wouldn't want that job. Even a man who prays, seeks counsel from his wife and trusted men, and uses Scripture to decide, can and still will make mistakes, just like we all do. Thus, although Gilbert made the right decision, it was right for Anne to not keep a record of wrongs. A friend will not hold your mistakes against you but will help and walk alongside you on the straight and narrow path.
"A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24
In fact, Anne remained loyal to Gilbert when Gilbert's decision was questioned by one of their friends. Her loyalty to Gilbert was more important to Anne than her initial thoughts. Anne even used Gilbert's reasoning to combat the arguments against his decision. One of the essentials of friendship is loyalty. Loyalty is being steadfast in allegiance and faithful. It's guarding and building his reputation, speaking well of him behind his back and not letting anyone speak against your friend. In a relationship, you are a team, and that deepens once you're married and become one and your own family unit. In marriage, there is no one more important than your spouse. This is why Anne stands by Gilbert and does not let anyone cast doubt on him.
"Gilbert was accustomed to refer to himself as "an old married man." But he still looked upon Anne with the incredulous eyes of a lover. He couldn't wholly believe yet that she was really his. It might be only a dream after all, part and parcel of this magic house of dreams. His soul still went on tip-toe before her, lest the charm be shattered and the dream dispelled." - Anne's House of Dreams
Look forward to seeing one another never gets old for companions. The quote above came from the point in the series when Anne and Gilbert had been married for quite some time (plus take into the account the numerous years they had already known each other at this point), and Gilbert still looks forward to coming home to Anne. When you're with your best friend, you always want to see him and to spend time with him. I'm not married yet, but what I look forward to most is not having to end an evening with "goodbye" but with "goodnight." The time apart increasingly becomes more difficult, and I am always counting down to the next time I will see John. Every single time I see him, it always feels like the first time, and I don't think that will ever end.
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes marriages unhappy." - Friedrich Nietzsche
We all want to marry our best friend, but we need to take the time to form the friendship first. Build something with God as the foundation, and He will guide all the pieces into place. It reminds me a lot of building a house. Maybe this is why a significant other who is also your best friend feels so much like home. Being equally-yoked (2 Cor. 6:14) is the foundation. As you spend time and pursue the Lord together, you are building the walls of trust. The planks of the walls are made of friendship, which will hold up in the midst of the trials of life. If you don't build walls of trust, the roof, the covenant relationship of marriage, will incur damage during the trials of life and is left exposed to problems easily seeping in. This step takes time, but you will have a stronger "home" in the long run for it. It's a step that you cannot skip. The Lord is ultimately the one who builds the home. While He is building the relationship, He is also building the people in it, preparing the two people to maintain the home (relationship) when it is completed with the roof (marriage). He has work to do in you, sanctification, which matters most.
By: Bible and Hot Cocoa (IG: @bibleandhotcocoa)
Juliana is the founder of Bible and Hot Cocoa. She is a sinner redeemed by Christ seeking to share the Gospel, to stand up for biblical truth, and to encourage other women to embrace biblical womanhood and to grow in biblical literacy. In her free time, she loves to utilize her creativity, to read classics and reformed theology books, to exercise, and to spend time with loved ones. Juliana's favorite book of the Bible would have to be a tie between Psalms and Proverbs (as of now), and her favorite biblical figure besides Jesus is Mary of Bethany (as of now).
留言